Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
