My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
