I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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