I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You need a sexual gate keeper
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
