I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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