just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
