im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
