I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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