that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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