Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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