I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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