if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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