He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize