a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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