woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
a search helicopter?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
