We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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