Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
