why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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