My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
