we made out on top of his cat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
