She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
