I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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