Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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