Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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