Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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