What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
