Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
