the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
