I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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