This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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