It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
