hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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