i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
