I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
