Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
