so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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