Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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