I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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