Your face is a jimmy john
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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