My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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