I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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