break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
