I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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