Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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