I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
