my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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