only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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