heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
