i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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