you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
