So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
