I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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