wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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