how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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