I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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