Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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