We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Success! We fucked roommates!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
