grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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