There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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