You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
