There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
